Friday, 10 October 2014

Full disclosure

I keep this blog to keep track of my equine adventure(s), however it has been very quiet of late and I am afraid I cannot put my finger on why my motivation & drive have deserted me.

Adulthood & scary monetary decisions about big purchases have me feeling stupidly down on myself. Which is ridiculous when we remember that this time last year I did not have job security whereas now I have, so really i shouldn't be worrying but the brain is a fickle fiend.
I fear I am taking my horses and their good behaviour for granted and worry that the day it will bite me in the backside can't be far away.
I am truly blessed to have them and that they are happy & healthy. I cannot fathom what is wrong with me & why I can't get myself into the tack.

It deff doesn't help that my work days run long & my weekends are spent in furniture stores freaking myself out at the price of the things that catch my eye. But really the issue is more mental than time constraint, if i truly wanted to ride i would find a way. I can't put my finger on why laziness has taken hold. If the girls weren't on 24/7 turnout and didn't have each other i think I'd be better at being More responsible and accountable.

Today I booked the first week of November off work and hope to talk to the trainer i took a lesson with in August about taking lessons with her that week. November 1st is the date that the horses officially move back into stabling, however again I am super lucky in that I have access to winter turnout for them whereas no one else at our yard does. So my daily lunchtime escapades to turn the girls out at midday will start again and the need to bring them back inside in the evenings will help me get to the yard every evening and hopefully get better about sticking to a schedule and ride more often.

I don't mean to be doom & gloom, but as this is my blog I have to hold myself accountable in all things. The downs as well as the ups, so that's where things confusingly stand for me.

20 comments:

  1. Everyone has riding funks sometimes, where you just can't find the motivation to go out and do anything! Don't be hard on yourself- just go out in November and have fun and find your inspiration again! :)

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    1. Thanks Steph, i shall do my best *hugs*

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  2. I am sorry to hear things, especially those wonderful adult things, are getting you down .I understand what it is like to have the job security haunt you, the reality of adult job disappoint and drain you, and the depression that drives you away, of all things, from your horses. It is hard and indescribable. But I think you are strong and capable. You have so much love and support everyone so much, I hope you can rally yourself.

    Your horses will be there for you when you are ready. Sometimes breaks are needed. and you'll be back full force! It is wonderful you have a plan and are taking steps to right your ship.

    Wishing you very best, Aoife!!

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    1. Naw *squish-bear-hug*
      You're so sweet, it was actually reading your honest post that prompted me to be honest here. The blogging community is so supportive, I am so glad I wormed my way in

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  3. I sent you a message on facebook!

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    1. *SQUEEEE* the excitement, hopefully we can sort something epic out!

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  4. Try not to feel guilty or worry about it, look after yourself first and do what feels right, the rest will fall into place and the horses will be there when you're ready. Ginger is a pro at the time off thing and always comes back better than I left her :) Enjoy your vacation!

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    1. I have given myself a sort of pass while they are on 24/7 turnout. I am sure I will rediscover our groove when I am back seeing them twice a day

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  5. I get in those funks, too. It happens. Sometimes you want to be passionate so badly, it feels like you're letting yourself down, right? Don't feel too bad. I try to take those stretches of time as a sign I need a break, or to reevaluate what direction I'm headed. Take a breath, don't feel guilty, and just be happy you have healthy and happy girls who will tolerate the time off just fine! (Also, furniture buying is legit scary!!) :)

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    1. Totes terrifying that furniture buying, haven't taken the plunge to buy yet but this market research has me wanting to hide under bed covers at the prices! :'(
      I guess I have been feeling a little lost & without direction for a while. I think if i can work something out with the trainer to get into more regular lessons a lot of the guilt, frustration & lack of direction will be channeled into productivity...hopefully lol

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  6. *hugs* I'm sorry! I believe it happens to 99% of riders - I know it happens to me. Sometimes you just feel burnt. The last thing you probably want to do is read a book about horses, but if you ever get the opportunity to read "Build Complete Confidence With Horses" I would highly recommend. It isn't as the title suggests about being a scared rider finding confidence, it's more about going out there and succeeding in what you want to succeed in. I find myself reading it every time I get into a funk, and it helps me remember that this is for fun (at least for me it is), and that the horse's survive even when they aren't ridden consistently (especially when they have nice turnout like yours do). Plus it has pretty pictures and cool stories. :) Hope you feel better!

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    1. That sounds like a hood book, I will look it up. Thanks so much for the recommendation *hugs*

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    1. The feels *hugz*
      Buddy power will help us through

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  8. I think we all get in funky spots now and then, hang in there. Adult life is awesome, fun, scary, overwhelming, and insane. I've been trying hard to hang on to the good bits and let the rest roll away.

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    1. That's good advice, letting things go and forgiving ourselves slip ups can be so hard.
      I shall try to let myself off the hook :)

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  9. Everyone looses their motivation and gets in a funk from time to time. It's ok. Just make little goals and try to find the fun in riding again. Don't stress about progress or anything like that. And feel free to vent/think out loud on here!

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    1. Thanks Jess, I hope I am coming out of the funk & ready to embrace the next adventures :)

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  10. Ugh I'm having the same problem! Well the rain is causing issues too, but a lack of motivation has been a problem for a long time. I think my biggest problem is just not having anyone to ride with... I hate riding alone. It just doesn't feel worth the effort... so yeah I feel you. I hope you can get a lesson in and find your motivation again! *hugs*

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    1. I have been feeling the same, my barn buddies and i are rarely on the same schedule anymore and i found myself riding alone a lot. trying to isolate & fix my issues with the mirror has never been my strong suit, hence where i am hopeful the lessons will help - if i can organise myself to take them!

      It is also weird for me to have the girls behave so well most of the time...please don't get me wrong I am not complaining at all! I just had so much up & down with Kika, that I just find myself at a bit of a loss as to what to ask of them. Sadly i am just super unoriginal, I am hopeful the lessons will help refine our skill sand then teach us all the many things i have no idea how to do yet.

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