SprinklerBandits Haven post got me thinking and has forced to own up and acknowledge more of my shortcomings this winter.
The stable used to be my safe haven after work, a place i could go to be me and do the things i enjoyed. How can spending time with horses be anything but fun?!
But then a friend I used to spend a lot of time with there (almost exclusively) and i sort of drifted apart...not fallen out per se but we are deff not as close as we were for whatever reason.
I have felt lonely at the yard since then and have been stupidly worrying about people possibly talking behind my back and/or judging me, taking sides or whatever etc. Which in itself is crazy mind games as no one has ever been mean to me - but there are a lot of liveries and i am sure we all know how gossipy these type of barns are! *sigh*
Thankfully the fact I don't speak or really understand Luxembourgish keeps almost all the nasty bitchiness & behind-the-back-talk away from my attention - but i have no doubt it happens. I am thankfully just blissfully ignorant of the intricacies - but am not naive enough to think things aren't being said about me...or maybe I am giving them too much power and/or bigging myself up to much to think i would even register on gossip radars seeing as i don't actually do anything or even compete lol!
I have been subconsciously letting this nonsense limit my yard time, negatively affect my outlook on life & my pony-time. I am super mad at myself for letting this get so far out of control that it could be harming my ponies due to lack of saddle & turnout time. I am really mad at myself and must give myself a proper shake to cop'on (possible Irish'ism...if this doesn't translate please let me know and I will explain) & cut such negativity from my barn time. I need to stop being an ostrich and just rise above - this too shall pass.
Thank you SB for your post prompting this post and reminding me that barn time is my time and I am the only one making myself miserable. I must buck up and take back control of the things i can - namely my happiness and how i let others affect that.
If people can't be bothered to be polite and/or talk to me, that is their problem not mine!
I never used to care about what others did at the yard, I am looking forward to getting back to that safe haven and concentrating on me and my gorgeous girls...
Now to act on these new convictions and take back my yard time with these longer evenings and carry them on into the future.
Sorry for lack of media with this post & rather blue subject matter. Hopefully I can turn my from upside down and get things trucking again.
/whingey-whiney self pity fest. I have had too many woe is me posts this year and it is super out of character for me. This is what happens when I don't go often enough to the barn - the solution really is a self fulfilling prophecy lol!
I am suffering the guilts from not only not seeing enough of my lovely ladies, but also for not taking advantage of them being happy & healthy and our having access to indoors - i mean really WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
#spoiledrotten is my problem
A place where I record the adventures of myself and my Irish Sport Horse mare, Kika. Who I purchased as an un-backed 3yr old in 2007. This blog follows the trials and tribulations of first-time horse ownership since moving from Ireland to Luxembourg in 2010. UPDATE: as of 2013, Kika is being joined by Nancy a Friesan X ISH mare bred by my family who I had my eye on since she was a foal and have been lucky enough to buy and add to my equine family.
I've totally been here. It's a sucky feeling when people that don't matter start to interfere with your barn time, but I 100% get it. They can really take the fun out of it!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that others have felt this way too
DeleteSounds like you know what you need to do...more barn time and don't worry about what anyone else might think! I find if I am focused and busy with my horses I'm happier in general and less apt to have time to worry about anything or get down on myself. Here's to a happy and productive spring season ! :)
ReplyDelete100% agree that pony time is the best time. I think if i can sort myself out and ride on my lunch break I'll feel better about life in general as adding one or both horses on at the end of a work day which gets longer every day is just about doing me in!
DeleteI was asleep by 9.30pm last night!!!
It is hard when we get stuck in our heads! But luckily the sweet ponies are the best thing to pull us out. Focus on your girls and self. I often have to tell myself that no one controls my emotions but me. So don't listen to the saboteur/editor/critic, nurture the good kind positive voice!
ReplyDeleteI came to the same conclusion while writing this post yesterday, no one controls my happiness but me and I am the only one who can ruin the enjoyment of things for myself.
DeleteNow to act on these convictions and get my happiness and joie de vivre back on track ☺
Way to decide to take life by the horns (americanism?) I'm rooting for you and hope you soon are enjoying your barn and beautiful girls again!
ReplyDeleteDunno if it is an Americanism but i have heard it before and plan to do just that. Thanks for the vote of confidence *hugs*
DeleteI think we all worry about what other horse people may think of us, whether it's at the barn or on the internet!
ReplyDeleteAt my barn, it seems like we all gossip about one another occasionally or vent frustrations sometimes, but at the end of the day, we do like and respect one another and no harm comes from the talk.
True points
Deletesorry to hear that the negativity from others has been spoiling your enjoyment of pony time!! good luck rising above it all and and keeping positive!!! hopefully the longer days and warming weather will be more motivating!!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping the longer days and warmer weather will be the liberating swift kick to he backside i need!
DeleteDST is a little longer in coming to Europe though...i think our clocks change at the end of the month - boo to waiting!
I think at some point we all feel like some of the nasty barn ladies (that are at every barn) are talking about us. The only way I can get over it is to accept it as a real possibility and decide not to give a shit. Yes, it's possible, maybe even probable, that they're talking about you. But it doesn't matter! You're awesome! Your ponies are awesome! I'm a big fan of quotes to make me feel better and here are two that might help:
ReplyDeleteContext (the one about sucking is if you're insecure about your riding - something I have issues with, but I'm not sure if you do)
"Dude, sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something"
AND
"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be someone who hates peaches"
Love the quotes - thanks so much for your very kind pep talk Erika *hugs*
DeleteI have always readily admitted to suckling for that very reason - how can we hope to improve if we already think ourselves the shiz?!
I may take things too far and thunk myself sucker than I appear - but when my mind games finally recognise progress it will hopefully be awesome ☺
I am lucky in that I don't have to worry what others at my barn think of me - other than the horses, of course, and they think I'm ALWAYS late with dinner. But when I boarded, I just didn't worry about it. People talk about you less than you think they do, and no matter what, someone will always have something not so nice to say. The best you can ever do is not participate. And of course, ENJOY YOUR PONY TIME! Don't let anyone keep you from that!
ReplyDeleteI used to not care, I guess not really having someone to laugh about potential barn drama with was eating at me. But I can keep to myself and learn more from the sidelines while continuing to stay under the radar & out of the firing line ☺
DeleteGood for you recognizing what is going on!! It is so hard to not care what other people think but it really is the only way to be happy. I'm glad you're taking back your barn time!!
ReplyDeleteThanks girl!
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