Survived!

I was braver last night then I thought I would be after only two spins on Sunday and Monday... The Guru was due to be about but we hadn't arranged for a lesson or anything so I was just going to work away on my own! I know I have been banging on about wanting to only ride supervised, but I also don't want to be making a nuissance of myself since The Guru voluntarily helps me out, so don't want to be always relying on her to ride. I needs to be able to work on my own even if Kika and I work better under supervision!
It was no Prix St George or anything but I was happy with some of our work - what can i say when it comes to myself and my capabilities I can be quite the pessimist - but i figure this is already blatantly obvious from previous posts.
So started off by lungeing Miss Kika and all went well even if she wasn't really lengthening her stride like i would have liked, she still did all her transitions as requested and I did manage to get fits of nice lunge work. Have to say her ADD was acting up and keeping her concentrated on what I was asking was a bit of a no-go yesterday evening.
Just as I was getting up a fellow livery asked if it'd be ok for her to lunge her young horse while i rode - which of course I didn't object to, Kika does go better when there are other horses in the arena with her (just not too many, or she tries to keep tabs on them all and twists herself into knots!   )
Only thing i was slightly wary of is that the young horse would be all sorts of silly on the lunge and drive Kika  bananas, as it really doesn't take much for Kika's messing side to re-surface and take the mick...Not really what I was hoping for when trying to ride on my own again. But as usual when i over-think things i needn't have worried.
Typically Kika was worse behaved when on her own in the arena (probably due to the fact I was anticipating the other livery's arrival and not giving Kika my full attention) then when the younger horse was lungeing in the lower half of the arena.
Try as i might i couldn't get a nice calm feeling trot out of her, and her head was up in front of me making contributing to the choppy short strides in trot - so much for working on that in the two previous rides and on the lunge! Things improved when the equine company arrived and while far from perfect I managed to get her to lengthen her stride and not be so uptight in her shoulders/neck area. As I said still nowhere near Grand Prix, but better then when we started. I think had i not been distracted myself and anticipating the impending arrival of abovementioned young horse I'd have been better able to settle her on my own.

While the other livery was lungeing we worked on a circle in the upper half of the arena. I even braved some cantering! Got my @$$ out of the saddle and worked as The Guru had me doing earlier in the week. She settled better after this in fact, and when the lungeing livery departed again I had a much happier in her work Kika and we were able to work in some seprentines with a volts as we hit the track - although the volts were rather higgeldy-piggeldy and not perfect, but not once we did we run into a disagreement!
Phew!
We also incorperated some calm cantering using the whole arena and circling at either end, with me still off her back.
Have a lady coming this evening to give her the once over and hope to contact the saddler also to get him to come and check the saddle as it was August when i bought it and figure a bit of maintenace probably won't go astray - considering how uppidy Kika get's about her back!

I should prbably also try and get some new photos to smarten up the blog...Might try and get on to that at the weekend. It will depend on what masseuse says this evening as to how much work she'll have to do on Kika and whether or not she'll be getting a few more days rest to recover. Who knows whether photo ops will present themselves or not
Shall hopefully update again sooner ratehr than later with news after Kika's visit this evening!
Have a great weekend all!

Saddle Sore

I had a lovely long relaxing weekend, we'd Monday off work here.
I lunged Kika over poles on Friday, in the pessoa on Saturday and was brave on Sunday and Monday and got two lessons after lungeing herself for 10-15mins to make sure no kinks.
I've the masseuse/homeopath/accupuncturer(ist?) booked to come on Friday as my Guru reckons ovary issues may be stopping Kika engaging from behind and I think she looks off a bit behind when luneging - not so much that she gets more time off, but sticky/stiff when getting going so best to get checked - she did try to do the splits a week or two ago when loose schooling so may have twisted/jarred herself a bit typically 4 days after the osteo saw her
I also think I have to get my saddle checked again, L had me stick to rising trot and cantering off her back for fear of doing damage to her back ...it has been well documented what happens when Kika has back issues

The 2 lessons went well, nothing extravagant as neither one of us had done much in the way of ridden work in last 4 weeks or so. I had only spent 10mins in the saddle in that amount of time and while worked on the lunge Kika had an easy enough few weeks also betwen osteo and vaccines rewarding her with 2 days off each time she has had a placid stress free time of it.
We worked mostly in trot on circles, serpentines with small circles (volts) each time we met the track, lots of rein chagening and more canter work "en suspension" on Monday then Sunday. To say that my legs have been sore since is a bit of an understatement

My heels continue to be a bug-bear of mine, so still trying to work on keeping them down...i do however know that my problem on that front is two-fold. (1) i have honed the bad habit of using my heels rather than calves to get her to move and (2) if in doubt i grip with my knees = heels popping up.
My other tid-bit to pay more attention to are my reins, apparently i don't keep them taught. Each time my attention was brough to this fact on monday the reaction from Kika was instantaneous - i am sure that the lax reins jangling the bit in her mouth lead her to be frustrated so now that my attention has been brought to this i have another issue to try and remember when riding.
Gosh list is ever lengthening, heels, hands, reins, crooked position, looking down... C's 8 steps to "problem solving" mentioned in previous post is an ever increasing and never ending cycle for me - list of problems is growing and correction of abovementioned issues is slow!


We (Kika & I) have also been working on the lunge to get her to lengthen her stride in trot. The Guru says she strides well in walk and has a good ground covering stride in canter yet when she trots she gets herself all choppy and speedy as opposed to long and smooth.
However The Guru was well happy to report that that lesson is hitting home under saddle as well - so long as i don't harry her and push her out of her stride.
So more for me to pay attention to, as i said an ever-increasing list of issues to keep in mind when riding 
So I am sticking to only riding supervised for the moment as I am a hazard to my own mental health when left to my own devices!

I managed to get to the barn at lunch time today, Wednesday evenings can be dodgy to find a quiet arena to work in as wednesday is jumping day at the yard. An external instructor comes in and an arena is set aside for them with a course ready all day - so space is "limited" (I use inverted commas as there are still two indoors and an outdoor, not to mention the walker and lungeing arena...so sapce isn't exactly non-existant and I am not bemoaninf the facilities - i know full well how spoiled I am!
But with an easily distracted horse...not always ideal,

So I worked her in the pessoa at lunch time today - and she was a superstar, she really does enjoy working - I think my biggest problem when I am riding is consistency as evidenced from my issue list above consistency is something i struggle with in my contact and position all which contributes to my horse being fussy - can't say i blame her really!
She is just too inteligent for my good!

Weather was glorious here today, not exactly sunbathing weather as come on it's still winter! But with blue skies and the geese flying in their V overhead as i brought K and O out to their field for the afternoon I was hard pushed to make my way back to the office for the afternoon!
*swoon*
Weather was just so nice i wanted to spend the day pootling!

Just had to share

These two images made me laugh so had to share them - I claim no copyright, so please don't sue me!

Hopefully those are legible and I don't get into trouble for using them!

I also have to share the following words of wisdom offered to me by C, who has been thanklessly helpful in keeping me on track and motivated (her and everyone who reads this blog/ my updates and offers comments and criticisms alike - everything helps!)

This is all part of the learning curve and this too shall pass. Training works as follows:
1. Your attention is drawn to a problem
2. You attempt to correct that problem
3. Someone that knows more than you do tells/shows you how to correct the problem
4. You attempt to correct the problem a second time, realizing how much you got it wrong in number 2 and realizing how difficult it is to do.
5. You look for a way to cheat (on purpose or not).
6. Someone draws your attention to the fact that you are "cheating" and you change the way you tackle the problem.
7. You solve the problem and feel comfy.
8. A new problem appears and you start from number 1 again.

I love the breakdown, although it does make me question my sanity in attempting to tackle those steps rofl! Especially after seeing them laid out in black & white like that!

I have found lungeing an invaluable tool since moving out here, I didn't do much of it when I was in Ireland as (1) I had more time to ride her and (2) we weren't doing the same work we are doing now days (read:rather we attempt to do now days). I find 20-25mins of good work on the lunge better than 45mins not concentrating/fighting with me on her back...may be the chickens way out but it works for me!
She had a wonderful session with the pessoa on Saturday evening, L was lunging at the same time as me and suggested we shorten the lines of the pessoa as K was naturally carrying herself better after the work we had been doing.
Kika's work ethic on the lunge line, whether in the pessoa or not gives me hope that all is not lost and that she does enjoy her work when she knows what is being asked of her...now to hone my skills and learn to be more clear with my instructions and hopefully we'll be laughing then!

Work has been a bit mental this week, we're down a member of staff due to medical issues and a lot of the work she usually does has come my way. While not complicated it is a lot more time consuming and requires considerably more concentration than what I am used to doing so by the time i leave the office at 5.30 of an evening I am wrecked!
I don't think it's fair of me to expect Kika to give me 100% if i cannot do the same for her in return, so when I'm not all there I don't ride.

Thankfully we managed to sort out a battery for the fencing and now have electricity going around the entrance and where Kika was making her escape from the field. We also got our hands on a couple bales of hay, so the ladies now have something to chow on and keep them out of mischief...although in saying that the muppet still managed to get at the area where we are storing abovemnetioned hay!
Not suprising really you'd think I would know better than to leave it within her sight and to not have electricity guarding it...my own doing really i guess!

So basically Kika is back being turned out again during the day, so i feel considerably less guilty about not having sat on her since Monday week! She spun in the walker for a bit last night and this evening I plan on lungeing her over poles as we haven't done that for a while and Wednesday is 'Jumping Day' at the barn (an external instructor comes in). They use an arena so liveries not availing of the jumping lessons (which we are not currently - may again some day) are limited in the space they have to work in. As I haven't ridden herself in a while, i prefer not to have a mahoosive audience and/or lots of activity in the arena at the same time as us, as i need to be concentrated solely on her so as not to afford her any luxury to mess and I find myself considerably less so when keeping an eye on other riders and trying to stay out of their way,

Yikes, there I go again waffling!
It's funny I always think I've nothing to report as haven't really been doing much...but when it comes to horses there is always something to say!
 

Wow - I got an Award

I am shocked, thank you very much to Lysette @ Viva Carlos for the honour - I honestly never thought this blog would get an award as it really is just me waffling on inconsequentially about what I get up to (or lack thereof as the case is more often then not of late!)

Given to me by Lysette @ Viva Carlos

Liebster means “dearest” in German, and the award is intended to help up-and-coming blogs get the attention they deserve. Here are the rules: 

1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.

2. Link back to the blogger who gave you the award

3. Pick your five favorite blogs with less than 200 followers, and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they have received the award.

4. Hope that the five blogs chosen will keep spreading the love and pass it on to five more blogs!

Unfortunately I do not follow many blogs!
A grand total of three in fact! But each one is thoroughly deserving of my bestowing upon them a Liebster Award! *nod*
As they brighten up my days and keep me plugging forward...so without further ado:
(a) Viva Carlos is the blog i follow most closely. Lysette and her handsome OTTB Carlos as they juggle working full time, training and competing as an Adult H/J in the States.
(b) When Sally met Harry is a favourite of mine, which although not updated for a while I am still in touch with S through other means. She illustrates wonderful Real Life events with her unique artwork which completely captures her and her horse Harry's adventures.
(c) A Fat Girl and a Fat Horse is the final blog i dip in and out of. Manda took a stance a few years ago and decided to open a froum for plus sized riders to counteract false claims and share their achievements in pride of place. Herself and her gorgeous amre Bornwyn and all the wonderful bloggers who contribute are all inspirations!

Now to potter off and fulfill step 3 of the above listed Liebster Award rules and let them know their contribution to the blogosphere is much appreciated!

Unusual Update

These are possibly getting predictable and as such the title for this one is probably well off - again no real news to update as such. Sorry!

Last weekend went well with her walking/loose lungeing after the osteo visit on friday, I was revising for an exam which took place on monday morning so the lul in her workload coincided well for me - for a change!
Monday evening I had intended to lunge for 15-20minutes in her tack to make sure Kika wasn't going to act too ridiculous after her break and touch up from the oseto, I ended up lungeing for a good 25mins as she was slow to settle to the job at hand. She has mastered the art of listening to voice changes of speed while simultaneously managing to avoid really listening - magical multi-tasker my madam is! *roll-eyes*
When she settled I hoped up, and wouldn't you know i'd forgotten my crop, so thankfully she was not in a testing mood!
Phew!
We walked, trotted and even braved a couple canters, which still not of a great quality were much improved on the choppy unbalanced stuff which lead to the osteo check - so good news on that front! :-)
Her lessons were retained from L's ridden work the weekend previous and no attempts were made to pitch a fit at any stage - although that may have had something to do with the 25 minute lungeing session i had sneakily snuck in in the hopes of focussing the mind to job at hand.
I was only in the saddle for 10-15minutes as I didn't want to do much unsupervised, as i mentioned in my "Questionable Intentions" Post, I have decided to only ride supervised for a while as I felt I was only going backwards when working on my own of late - I have a nasty habit of getting caught up in my head and focussing on the bad. So i need eyes and a voice on the ground to keep me focused which in turn keeps her focused ;-)

Happy with our return to "work" I arranged with L to have her supervise us on Tuesday evening - we agreed on 8pm start time. So i went to the barn at lunch time on Tuesday to loose lunge Kika to get rid of any fizz that may have built up now that she's not getting daily turn out for the moment.
The big silly billy went to take a corner too tightly and her hind legs went from under her, now she didn't fall completely but I can imagine that she did manage to jar herself - but she kept going and worked away fine afterwards with no sign of unease or discomfort. She was not lame and had not resumed her head shaking/snaking or disunited cantering. So I assumed she was alright in herself and popped her back in the stable with a plentyful supply of hay for the afternoon.

As it turns out I ended up cancelling L for tuesday evening as the temperatures were the coldest they'd been to date (still -10 C during the day) so i figured as it was only going to get colder as the evening went on and we weren't due our lesson till 8pm, that I would be better off cancelling then freezing my backside off and then not getting anywhere. So popped back to the abrn direct from work, sorted her stable and gave her a hay top up and was home for 7pm.

Yesterday (Wednesday) the farrier came to re-shape her feet, he and I are both very happy with how she is doing without shoes so so far so good and we are more than managing without them. :)
In fact every 5 weeks I am suprised when my friend who uses the same farrier reminds me that it is almost 6 weeks since they were done...the time just flies for me now. Whereas before after 2 weeks she would start slipping on the tarmac after the nails would wear a bit on her shoes...it was a nightmare!

I had a bit of a woopsy/blonde - aka: Malteaser moment (blonde dressed up as a brunnette ;-) ) when I got to the barn and found Kika's stall empty. Went up to where the farrier works thinking my friend A had been very kind and perhaps brought Kika up for me, to find that they were there alright working on her horse but no sign of Miss Kika. Said to them "sorry, I think I'm after losing my horse" and wandered off with their laughter following me - tis alright they are beginning to realise I can be a bit ditzy at times teehee.
Anyways, when i get back to her box after checking that she wasn't in the small loose lungeing arena or walker and noticed that her outdoor rug is not on her door where i typically leave it - which in itself was odd as i was no longer turning her out due to her Escapoligist endeavours last week. So went to see was O in her stable (which if she had been I'd have been rightly bamboozled) to see my buddy L at the end of the aisle lookin at me with an "angellic-butter-wouldn't-melt" look on her face.
Now knowing nothing was wrong with Kika she asks me is everything alright barely hiding her grin, to which i reply that i appear to be missing something rather large...a horse, she might have seen it...
Turns out the yard paddocks have been "opened" as the ground is frozen so she turned the two girls out there for a change as O wasn't enjoying herself so much on her own in "our" paddock - the neighbouring ponies are staying in their lean-to/shed during this cold-snap so O was pretty lonely without Kika.
L told me that K was good as gold when she let them off and no messing ensued, which is great news considering it had been a week since she'd last been out. Yippee!

So yeah, the blacksmith saw to her and the vet also called out to do her vaccines so she is now on another two day break to allow her system adjust. We also got some cream to put on the one remaining wart/sacroid after the course of injections finished last week and doesn't seem to have affected it. Thankfully those that we were able to "rubber band" in the summer have not come back so there is just the one left on the inside of a hind leg - and as such cannot be rubber banded. So i have now been given cream to apply to it, which i think will have a similar affect to burning it off - sound snasty and painful so vet has warned that some horses pay more attention to the "burning" than others and she may find it uncomfortable so behaviour may alter slightly during the course of treatment...consider me forwarned.
Potential Behaviour Alterations - Noted.

So that is how things currently stand, L is away for a few days with O for training in the North of France, a bit of a change of scenery. :) So Miss Kika is going to get her few days rest after the vaccines and then I'll do groundwork, lungeing - loose, pessoa and with poles until L get's back and can help me from the ground again as I mentioned above I want/need someone to keep me out of my own head and on the straight and narrow when attempting ridden work!

Friggin Freezing

Temps have severely dropped here this week, brrrrr, it's cold!
Only saw the themometers as i went to work a few days this week, but those I saw were anything but encouraging!
Wednesday -10 C
Thursday -12 C
Friday -13 C

With a forcast for -20 C tomorrow and snow galore on Sunday. Yikes!
All in all I'm glad the osteo was out to herself today and so it's monday before we can do anything that might resemble work!

Besides freezing my backside off, what have i been up to since i last posted...well in all honesty equine-wise; not a whole pile!

New degree has taken up all my evenings and all available time at the weekends as am 2 weeks behind due to paperwork delayed start...so trying to play catch up and not really succeeding!
Thankfully I have a yard friend who works across the street from me and goes multiple times a week during her lunch break, so i get a spin to and from the yard. Door to door service, better than i'm used to as typically it is my own feet that take me to the yard as it's only a 10min walk from my house...so i'm not complaining really (although this week it has been a bit more of a refreshing stroll than usual - teehee).
Anyways, so I had been going on my lunch breaks to let Kika and her field buddy L's mare, O, out to the field or bringing them back in as the case may be.

Well not as of Monday/Tuesday this week when Kika decided that she no longer wanted to stay in the turnout area we have for them.
Monday i got a call from Yard Owner saying someone had passed the field that the wire was down and they couldn't see the delightful beasties!
Cue slight moment of panic from me, but thankfully i was not in work so was within 5mins of the barn as my lovely mother was also home and opted to run me up and help me search for the little darlings. Thankfully it had snowed on the Sunday night and as the two girls were in blue/navy rugs they were readily spottable against the white backdrop! Thankfully they had decided to head in the direction of home and not down for a stroll in the woods! As typically we don't leave them out with headcollars on as we don't want them getting caught in trees, panicking and hanging themselves or taking out an eye or what-not...
Caught them anyway, they were good and came up to me which i was presently suprised about as typically when Kika gets a bit of a notion about herself under such circumstances she'd normally run a mile at the sight of me...but i guess they realised it was cold and i meant the quickest route back indoors to comfy stables and hay!
So the Mammy and I fixed back up the wiring as best we could and attempted to make some natural barriers where they made their escape by dragging old christmas trees and fallen branches and anything and everything we could find to create a deterrant as we'd no electricity on the wire there wasn't much else to stop them wandering otherwise...We hadn't put current on the fence keeping them in as they both wear rugs and as such wouldn't feel electricity through them so I didn't think there was much point in "wasting" the battery - Bad Owner = me, I know...but of the same token i know my horse and when she has her winter rug on up to her ears she cannot feel current - fact from winters in Ireland  where Kika in full view of the kitchen window could frequently be seen brazenly leaning right across the electric wire to get at more hay just because there were others in her way at the hay left out for them *roll-eyes*

So that was Monday...Tuesday L and I decided to chance letting them off again but for a shorter period of time this time. They went out for an hour while L walked her two dogs and by the time she came back to bring them in Miss Kika was outside the field, happy out with herself - this time I'd left the headcollar on her just in case of such an occassion as again from past experience I knew that once she'd gotten a taste of "freedom" and found a way out she was not going to stay put for much longer. Oddly L's horse, O, did not venture out the second day - she unlike my dumbo had a healthier respect for fencing stretched infront of her.

Needless to say that Miss Kika has not been out since!

Monday I'd loose lunged her before turning her out to knock some fizz out of her so that she wouldn't go do-lally at the sight of the snow. In doing so i thought she was moving a bit oddly and not cantering smoothly - she almost looked dis-united at times and was inclined to snake her head/ neck about and not really want to motor. Distracted by the break-outs the next two days i didn't think much more of it until I lunged her on  Wednesday when she was just awful in herself. Matters were not aided at all by the fact that an army (well at least 4) farriers were at work in the grooming area outside the arena we were attempting to work in, so that in itself had madam's neck craning in their direction and stiffness in walk and trot - which she listened to the cues for but no way was she paying any attention to the canter request - she insisted on dangerous fast-terrified-looking-trot like a demon was after her. So i brought her back and worke don transitions till she settled, stopped listening to outside and was properly listening to me...although still then her canter was far from good.

Decision made, it was time to call the osteo back out to see what was going on under the hood. I had spoken to L the previous day as she'd ridden her Friday and Saturday last week and said she had a bit of a fight on her hands, particularly the first day. She was quick to insist that Kika did not stand upright as she has done to both of us in the past, however she had threatened to rear, lifted her front feet a small bit off the ground, but mostly head tossing and refusing to turn when being asked. L rightly in my opinion got off, got her on the lunge and reminded her what manners are for - hopped back up and said that she behaved well after that. The Saturday L hopped straight up again and Kika went to throw a wobbly but a reminder from the stick and she went about her business, however L still mentioned that she too found her stiff and not as maleable as usual.

Long story - not so short (as usual), osteo came out today and found a few trouble spots in Kika's neck and a vertebrae out in her back under where the saddle sits - nothing too strange or startling. Osteo reckoned she may have done it at any stage messing or getting up and down. She can be expressive when she gets up from a roll and takes off bucking and farting have a great time for herself.
This was the same osteo that had seen her for the first time in November/December and had said she needed a lot of work on her neck and along her back to muscle her up to help her carry herself better - hence our return to more frequent pessoa work (on a different setting to last year) and the introduction of pole work while lungeing and increased pole work under saddle also combined with more stretching after ridden work...all in all it would appear we were doing something right as the osteo said her neck was much improved and Kika's muscle development was after considerably improving since her first visit - Happy Days. :-)
Fingers crossed now that after the next two days of hand-walking/walker/ loose lungeing - no ridden work or lunge work. That when we get back to work on Monday I'll have a better behaving horse again and that her rearing threats were "just" her way of expressing to me that something was amiss. Doesn't mince her words my girl, nope, something's up with her and she'll let you know in no uncertain terms that she has a niggle *nod*

Will keep you posted with how we get on from here, thanks to anyone who has read this much of my waffle. Fingers crossed all goes well and that temps pick up a bit!
Brrrr!!!

Questionable Intentions

Title applies to both Kika and myself - don't worry though ... Nothing untoward has happened!

Got to the barn last night and tacked herself up, she was most distracted in grooming area - staring at her reflection in door window, or at least so far as i could tell anyway! Perhaps there were horses walking around up at walker but i couldn't hear them, so methinks she's just the vainest creature going - and I'll tell you this for nothing, that she does not get from me!
HATE mirrors *shiver*

Anyways, she rigid/stiff as anything tacking up as she stared at herself?! And rain was hammering on and off of the roof above us, due to said rain and her full fleece being at the cleaners i didn't fancy going out in the gale to the arena we typically work best in as i didn't want tack getting wet. I have an excercise sheet for her but it's one of the cut away one which don't cover the saddle - very handy for covering my legs with when hacking in the cold, but i'm going of topic as usual!
So basically what i am getting at in my predictably long-winded way is that we opted for the arena attached to our stabling block which is the oldest one on the yard - the original and IMO the noisiest despite it being 8pm and most people being gone home...it is closest to the road and attached to stable block so all sounds of other horses and feeding, car park road/roundabout/motorway all in the vicinity and all sounds that can be heard as well as the wind and rain. One woul thing i am building excuses to bad behaviour - but for once it wasn't really the mare's fault!

She is in no way as innocent as her chocolate brown eyes might attempyt to convince you and is partly to blame, but i absorb more of the blame upon myself!

We walked around with me on foot for a few laps - i always start my warm up this way, get both of us accustomed to sounds/layout of arena and has Kika walk for an extended period of time to warm up (between 5 and 10mins depending on how we are feeling) as she isn't the best to walk under saddle to warm up - she starts fidgetting and fussing and looking for distractions - so we start our warm up calmly walking with me on foot. I am cajoling her - but i know from experience that this works best for us (me). She wasn't really settling and was getting herself stressed over lower corner where door is onto carpark with a roundabout on & off a motorway at the end of the drive - so plenty noises to put a windy horse on edge. Not courting trouble i opted for the chicken option and decided to ride in upper half of the arena as at this stage i could tell it wasn't going to end well if i forced the issue, so rather than make a big deal out of it and get into an argument - i changed my plans.

Got up and went to go left to start on our good rein - Miss was having none of it, she started with her threats which grates me as she knew they would work i was stupid and allowed her work herself into the position where she was facing the middle of the wall and with her not wanting to go the way i wanted her to gave her the perfect opportunity to start her wobbly, aka rear threats. She is also far from stupid and had twisted herself in such a way that unless i whacked her head off the wall to turn her, the only option left to me was to go the way she wanted - AWFUL START which did nothing to settle my nerve considering my last terrible saddle experience ... well not terrible, just unnerving as i had really thought we were passed this. Guess not!
So after a few strides i conned her into changing rein and going the direction i wanted - walked a little more trying to get her to relax, soften and listen to me - was far from picture perfect but moved up to trot. For some reason we always get on best in trot - it's a pace we are both happy with and she behaves impeccably (IMO) in trot. She went into a lovely soft shape (I can always tell when L was the last person to ride her - makes such a difference!) and was swinging in herself requiring light leg aids. Was lovely, changed rein a couple of times and we were going well - not anywhere near Prix St George level or anything but very good for us considering the start to the spin, we still encountered the odd sticking moment if she wasn't as responsive as i'd like on a turn and it ended up getting a little sharp - she'd toss up her head, but my response was always you've just got yourself to blame. Although that isn't technically fair as i know my legs are inclined to hang like wet blankets and don't support her as much as they should - tis no suprise we get ourselves tied in knots!
Anyways that's besides the point, we were going well with our trot so i figured we'd give canter a go and see how we'd get on. Canter is one of our main bogeys, as regular readers will know, the main problem i know is me - as when i can get it right she has a lot less issues with it - but alas this does not happen as often as i would like it to / wish it could / dream of. :-(
Yesterday was one of those days, i couldn't get the strike off right - despite now knowing what aids to give thanks to the wonderful lesson 2 weeks back with L (incidently it has all been downhill for me since then - the problem is i am too stuck in my head - obsessing, trying to hard and not just doing as i was which is what had been good - vicious cycle. What makes it worse is that i know i am the problem yet can't fix myself - so going to get L to help me again). Kika can feel the shift in me as i organise myself to give the aids, so gets excited and ahead of herself therefore tenses, loses her softeness and responsiveness etc etc - basically canter last night was a shambles - i only tried is twice on the bad rein and once on teh good rein, it was bad for 95% of it so i just dropped it and decided i am not going to try and canter without supervision and someone to keep me out of my own head / someone to yell at me to keep my heels down, shoulders back, look in, turn her head slightly and give the aid - cos it is obviously something going wrong in my head/mind when i'm on my own - and i know it so am hoping to fix it! We did get one or two nice strides, but that doesn't make up for the shambles surrounding it so rather than make a bigger mess of things i went back to trot and worked on spirraling in and out of circle sizes in rising and sitting trot - which is something we are getting better at. Anything in trot is manageable, shift us up a gear or drop us down a gear and i go to pot for whatever reason.
Had a chat with L about it last night afterwards as she was there when i dismounted and asked how we got on, i was so down in myself that she could see it written all over my face and my mother when i got in later - i really need to stop beating myself up about these things - it's not healthy. Although in saying that i don't dwell on it so long anymore ... resolutions were made today, ;-)
What get's to me most is that when we're going well it's great, but if i lose myself even slightly she takes advantage and throws the toys out of the pram with her rearing threats - which in hindsight i know she doesn't mean and is testing/taking the mick/taking complete advantage - it's is incredibly frustrating as that only knocks my confidence further and feeds/festers the self-doubt.

Gosh i should see a shrink!

Anytime i allow myself to think we're making headway and doing well something happens to put me back in my box and keep my feet on the ground. It's more mentally my problem, I am trying too hard and forcing things perhaps - which when doesn't work is frustrating me and hence her - senstive soul that she is. *roll-eyes*
That plus she takes complete advantage - any window of opportunity to doss or mess and she pounces on it with two hands and then is like a dog with a bone till i can co-erce and cajole her back out of bad behaviour!

My resolution might be seen by some as drastic but i want to catch this before it spirals - as i know myself that it is teetering on the edge of spiralling back out of control unless i can nip it in the bud, i can only hope once and for all - but if even just for now and to see that we can get it back on/ keep it on the straight and narrow.
I'm only going to ride under L or an RI's supervision - prefer L as she has worked with us this last year and knows exactly what the issues are and has the time to help on an individual level. Due to the decreased time the studyin is going to present i'm going to see if we can work something out, she has previously offered, whereby she'd school Kika on occasion (if i can't make it) and then go back to her giving me lessons when she has time during the week/weekend. Only for the forseeable future i'm not going to ride on my own anymore - it is just going to prove the undoing of me, i can feel it. Already the doubts are creeping into my mind and excuses will start forming, stacking up givine me get-out-of-jail-free crads to avoid riding, which is deffinitely not in Kika's best interest as she needs activity.

L is heading away for a few days and as i'm currently snowed under with legal reading; I'm hoping to share my plan with her in the morning as we let out the beasties and will give Kika a few days off till she comes back and till i can get to grips with the study. I'll still be going to the yard at least twice a day to turn them out / bring them in and feed O in the evenings - give them a loose school / pop them in the walker so that they aren't only going field/box - box/field.

So there ya have it, another hum-dinger of a "post" (novel more like), but due to Kika's questionable intentions - she has me questioning my intentions ... and the answer is i'm hoping to go back to lessons to keep someone's voice in my ear and me out of my own head!

Some may think me a chicken - but on this occasion I know myself and i think at this stage i know my horse and so that we don't end up in a similar situation to this time last year - i'm reaching out for help.