(HP reference for the win!)
I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer this evening, but this blog is my outlet to chronicle my equine adventures - good and bad.
Let me preface this here to say nothing bad has happened, I know i am truly blessed to have two happy, healthy horses; a permanent job and my very own apartment almost easy to move into. The thought of doing so is both exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure. Being wholly responsible for upkeep, maintenance, bills, cleaning and feeding myself is not something I have encountered for longer than 6 months before and I rented so wasn't wholly responsible. There was always a landlord or contact person should the need have arisen.
An impending, as yet unknown, moving date has me conscious of loneliness. I am nervous about living alone, as with the two horses i don't have much of a social life. Please don't get me wrong, I love having the horses but recently have found myself increasingly isolated and even lonely at the yard.
The Guru, who would have been my closest barn friend and I don't see too much of each other anymore due to differing schedules; and to be honest a bit of a cooling period in our friendship when I moved the horses back to the yard from the off site turnout we had been sharing prior to that. I may be being overly sensitive, and hold my hands up to being equally responsible for the cooling of our friendship - in fact I even feel a little guilty as her mare was heading for retirement and then she struggled to find another horse for a few months. In other years I'd have offered her the ride on my girls especially as i haven't exactly been a model of consistency this autumn/winter. However her riding style is very different from mine and when she helped me out riding my horses last winter as her mare struggled with lameness. My issue was that our approaches and skills were too different and when I did manage to ride my girls - i felt pretty inept and useless in the tack.
That and the fact that she has barely spoken to me since the end of June has meant that I have been selfish with Kika and Nancy. We haven't actively stopped speaking to each other and always smile and have a quick "how are things" catch up when out paths cross, but it is a far cry from the long conversations we used to have. Perhaps we are both just awkward around the other as we obviously have unresolved differences of opinion on things that I have never mentioned on the blog, but there has been a definite cooling in friendship since the summer months. No argument or full on fall out, but we are no longer as close as we once we're and from the way things have been this autumn/winter i can't see how they'll go back. I realise now I relied too much on one persons friendship and potentially alienated other friends along the way, which although all still smiley and happy when our paths cross - conflicting schedules mean this rarely happens.
Plus my hoping to ride one or both girls of an evening limits my ability to stand around chatting with fellow boarders - if there were many left by the time i get there in the evening the yard tends to be a ghost town. This is combined with the fact that every evening i must prepare the turnout for the following day. Which means refilling the haynets and topping up the water, before bringing the girls in and sorting their stables for the night. Not back breaking in anyway, but time consuming and time is a commodity i seem to be lacking the ability to preserve.
My working days are long and busy, I probably feel more tired in the evenings because i take public transport (2 buses and walk uphill for 10mins) to get to the stable to put my gorgeous girls out for the afternoon. The opportunity to pet them and talk to them on my lunch break is the perfect way imo to break up my day. Especially thanks to Nancy's daily greeting and the extra warm fuzziness when Kika joins in the midday chorus - that in itself is so rare that it totally warms to cockles of my frozen heart & almost makes up for her grouchy faces when I change her rug ;-)
Basically I am being a Moaning Myrtle, not to be ungrateful for the opportunities i have but because I'm worried that this is a slippery slope into hermithood. I have no SO on the scene, which most days is a blessing as i don't have to justify my time spent at the stable - but at the same time - the time i spend there curtails my options of meeting someone special. I worry that I will end up a spinster with horses instead of cats *blush*
As always this is getting long and rambly, my apologies for the whining and lack of media to lighten the mood and/or break up the blocks of whine. I am hoping that the stress of apartment decisions will soon be behind me and then I only have to worry about finances from here on out LeLolz - what a way to pick myself up. *eye-roll*
I am really hopeful that when I move and start taking my car to work, I can squeeze in a spin on one of the horses on my lunch break. With any luck i can perhaps even schedule a lesson or two per week, as the trainer i ride with only teaches weekdays and not after 6pm. So at the moment I can't ride with her unless I have time off. #sadtimes #firstworldproblems
I know that if i can get more saddle time and feel like we are making progress things will pick up for me mentally and i won't be so down on myself. Honestly spending time with the horses makes my day worthwhile.
Here's hoping that if i can re-balance my day and ride one at lunchtime, I will not only benefit from vitamin D & the positive effects of not feeling like I am a complete night owl - but it will also help me potentially ride the other in the evening and/or give me more time to call in on friends or have friends over and not feel guilty for abandoning the ponios. Who let's be honest are always happier when I don't ride ;-)
PS - if you read all that you deserve some sort of badge of honour. I already feel better for airing my worries and woes on my own little patch of the interwebs. Now to buck up and make the changes that will hopefully help me find my missing motivation
A place where I record the adventures of myself and my Irish Sport Horse mare, Kika. Who I purchased as an un-backed 3yr old in 2007. This blog follows the trials and tribulations of first-time horse ownership since moving from Ireland to Luxembourg in 2010. UPDATE: as of 2013, Kika is being joined by Nancy a Friesan X ISH mare bred by my family who I had my eye on since she was a foal and have been lucky enough to buy and add to my equine family.
Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
I am totally where you're at in a lot of ways! Three horses/full-time job/husband leave me with really limited free time. I don't have a lot of close friends anymore as a result. And my few close horse friends have really changed in their approach to horsemanship (some of which I agree with....some not so much). It's so challenging to balance it all. Once you are settled in your cool new place you should have an old friend or two over for dinner. :)ReplyDelete
Having people over on my terms will be the plan ;-)Delete
Hope having your three at the same place will help your balancing act. *hugs*
*hugs* Horses are a huge time drain. I feel that way and I only have one! I can't imagine the time spent (or if not the time, the guilt) on two ponies. Not until recently did I understand people who say they wish there were more than 24 hours in a day!ReplyDelete
I know that you'll figure out your schedule soon, and come up with a balance you feel comfortable with.
Thanks hun, I couldn't imagine not having either so that is never going to be an option. When the days get warmer and longer everything will be better again ☺Delete
It sounds like you have a busy and full life, really :) I think it's totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed about moving and being on your own - every time I leave home for work contracts I feel a bit lost and sad along with the excitement, but once I settle into the new routine I always seem to meet nice people. Why not invite some of your friends who you'd like to get to know better/see more of to your new place for a casual get together now and then? If you really want to expand your social circle, my only suggestion is to think a little outside the box - if someone invites you to something you'd maybe be inclined to say no to in favour of barn time, go anyways now and then...seriously, those are some of the times I've had the most fun and met the most interesting people. In fact, I started dating my guy after a friend invited me to a Halloween party. I'm shy and not overly into parties, and almost left once I found out they were going to watch the "Saw" movie series. I couldn't even watch past 5 minutes of the first one (legit scared me so bad!), but I did meet a nice friendly giant of a man to hide behind ha ha.ReplyDelete
Great advice, I will try to grab such opportunities by the horns in future ☺Delete
I was the same way about Saw!!!! I met my husband at a birthday party too and I hate going to parties lol. I'm glad I went to that one! :DDelete
I hate horror movies so won't be watching that potential snuggle buddy or not ;-)Delete
Glad the film had such a blossoming effect on your relationships ☺
Ok where's my badge? ;) I feel the same way. I go to school and work and when Im not doing either Im at some sort of horse barn. Ponies are life and my pony friends are all married. Im like the lone cowboy. Maybe someone will show up at the barn for me ;pReplyDelete
There's always that dream, that & winning the lotto right? ;-)Delete
If i had any artistic skills I would 100% make you a badge
I am lucky as all my friends are horse people. But, I do feel your pain, sometimes there is just too much go go go in life and getting home so exhausted that the thought of making dinner is impossible (which would be a shame in your fab new kitchen). Are there any teenagers there desperate to ride that could take care of the girls one or two nights so that you could just enjoy your house or do something social? I'm shocked there are no other ladies at the stable that would be up for evening drinks or fun group rides!? There has to be someone else who rides after work? Maybe even ask around, 'anyone up for riding at the same time as me, we could take video or pictures of each other (cause who doesn't like pictures of themselves on horses)' might be the start of a new friendship! Sorry that got totally long and random, keeping my fingers crossed for you to figure it all out :-)ReplyDelete
Most people are finishing up when I get there in the evenings, so no photo op moments - hence my pathetic mirror selfies. :-(Delete
I have a language barrier issue with teenagers at my barn, that am I rarely see them. There are never any about in the evenings...I do hope to have friends over all the time to the flat...Once I you know move in that is
good luck!! moving out on your own is definitely a big life change - so i totally understand your trepidation. hopefully you'll be happily surprised at the changes it brings tho!ReplyDelete
re: the horse friends (or lack there of?) - that's definitely a tough situation :( , esp since having more friends around can really improve the general experience. perhaps this is something that will get better with the weather?? in any case, wishing you the best of luck!
I hope I haven't burnt my bridges and as you say better weather will bring more bodies. I have heard rumours of up equine expansion to the tune of 30 stables being added to our yard. Hopefully this will also mean a new arena as some days it can be a squeeze As is without adding moar.Delete
At the same time new stables hopefully would equal new people and I can but daydream of hot at least one single man who may be interested in moi ;-)
Not too much to ask surely...i may have to fight for him though, why are there ways so many more women involved in amateur horse ownership s the upper echelons?!
Second: breath. It'll be okay. You've come so far,appreciate that. You may have a ways to go but it's the journey you remember not the reward. As far as SOs go, better to be happy and alone rather than miserable with someone. That special person will fit right in when they come. And if they don't, prob not the right person.
Good friendships can pick back up as if nothing changed. It is a two street on communication, so don't beat yourself up.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite St a time. You're doing great girl. Give yourself some credit! Feeling down is okay, but remember to shake it off eventually.shake it off! Shake it off!
Aw thanks pet, I have felt much better since posting my whine. I think i just had to get it off my chest.Delete
I 100% believe that if you are not happy in your own company you will never be happy with an SO - it's a slippery slope to rely on others for the feels goods.
Thanks for the Swifty tune to stick in my head now :-p
Balance is the hardest, I don't know how you do it (the transit, the two horses etc) But I know what you mean, living alone can be hard, it can get lonely, but you should try and schedule in friend time (something I've gotten better with since starting Grad School) *hugs*ReplyDelete
I deff hope to do that, I have almost fallen off the social radar since moving home and having the horses. I do plan to have more friends over when I get set up in my own place - Cali visitors are most welcome ☺☺☺Delete
I wish I had some helpful advice! I feel like all of us have these ups and downs in life and especially during times of stress like looking for a new apartment, moving out on your own, etc. I hope things slow down/open up/look brighter for you soon!ReplyDelete
Aw thanks pet, I usually try to be positive about hinge but sometimes worry can be irrational. Things always have a way of working out when we work at them. I have never been afraid of a challenge nor hard work ;-)Delete
Although I do not think it'll be that hard at all, I have two beautiful horses to put an instant smile on my face ☺
Aww, hugs!! I find it pretty easy to become a hermit too, and when I moved this last summer I moved to a new job, barn, and city where I didn't know a single person. I've made some friends now, but it took a while.ReplyDelete
When things settle down it'll all work out. I've met a few of my soon to be neighbours now and as we all own are property and aren't to far away in ages i think it'll be a nice change of dynamic to catch up with different types of people with different life goals. A lot of them have young kids, so maybe I could offer some baby sitting services to help pay for my luxuriously expensive hobby ;-)Delete
Unfortunately, we aren't able to hang out, but if you ever need anyone to chat with, feel free to message or Skype me :) I really have no friends around either, so I know how lonely it can get. Sending hugs :)ReplyDelete
Thanks so much hun, I have been feeling a lot better since getting that post off my chest. I totally wish we lived nearer one another as i think we would get on like a house on fire...or at least i would probably hang off your every word and swoon over your gorgeous horses and your ability to dance with them as only dressage divas can.Delete
First of all, don't apologize. This is your place to vent and I'm glad it helped you feel better. :D I think the stress of the move and the fear of the unknown is getting to you. It will be okay. I promise!! I don't have any friends (well one, but I never see her anymore because I moved away) either, but I do have hubby so I'm not completely alone. Frankly after dealing with stupid people at work all day I'm usually happy to go home and be alone lol. I do remember what it was like when hubby and I were working different schedules and wouldn't see each other (awake) for three days even though we lived in the same house... it sucked... but you get used to it. You always have us if you need someone to talk to! Always feel free to email me. I check it everyday even when I'm being bad and not reading blogs lol.ReplyDelete
Thanks lady, I was having a bit of a down day way back in Jan - it's all picked up since ☺Delete